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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080044">Say You Love Me (You Know I Do)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears'>wesawbears</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Insecure Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, and jaskier giving it to him, basically just geralt figuring out how to say what he wants</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:08:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Geralt works very hard at not wanting anything. Amazing how Jaskier only takes a few years to tear that all down.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Basically, Geralt learns to ask for what he wants and deals with his feelings for once.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Abby's Witcher Collection, wiedźmin</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Say You Love Me (You Know I Do)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Couldn't sleep, had a breakdown, wrote this at 1 A.M. Bone apple teeth.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Geralt is six years old and he wants.</p>
<p>He wants his mother and he wants the rain to stop and he looks at the huge place in front of him and he wants, more than anything, to be safe.</p>
<p>"Home?" he asks the man leading him inside. The old man sighs but nods.</p>
<p>"Yes. This is your home now. Kaer Morhen."</p>
<p>He nods. He's never been somewhere this big. He hopes it will be nice and warm and he'll get to tell his mother all about it when she comes back for him.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>She doesn't come back, and Geralt learns quickly that witchers aren't supposed to want.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Geralt is 12, and what he wants, more than anything, is water. He's burning and it hurts, so bad he feels he can't stand anymore, that he'll be swallowed whole by it. He doesn't know what pulls him through, strength, sheer stubborn willpower, some fate with a sense of humor, but he wakes when so many don't. </p>
<p>He burns with fever for days after, too weak to do anything but lay his head in Eskel's lap and let his friend pet his hair. It's weak, he knows, but what Vesemir doesn't know won't hurt him.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>For years after, he growls like a feral animal at anyone who tries to cut his hair. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Geralt is 17 and he wants to be a hero. </p>
<p>It's a fool's dream, and Vesemir would cuff him if he heard, but Geralt isn't stupid enough to voice his thoughts. He doesn't say much of anything now. Who wants his thoughts anyway? Witchers were best unseen and unheard.</p>
<p>It doesn't stop him from saving that girl, not that he gets any thanks for it. </p>
<p>He hadn't expected to, and yet, he wants, more than anything, for the tales to be true. He wants not to feel anything. Maybe it would be better than this gaping emptiness inside.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He gets very good at pretending. So good, he manages to fool himself. Vesemir would be proud.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Geralt stops counting his age eventually. It's odd, and pointless. It's not like witcher's had anyone to celebrate with. And who wanted to celebrate another year? It was a child's fancy.</p>
<p>If he wanted anything, it was to be left alone. He gets it, for a time.</p>
<p>Then he gets a bard.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Jaskier is...nothing like Geralt knows humans to be, in a way that is both annoying and disarming. The bard is impervious to hints, trailing doggedly after him. Nothing Geralt does ever prompts the bard to smell like fear, no amount of silence or grunts cause him to give up speaking.</p>
<p>Jaskier wants with a hunger Geralt has never seen. He wants fine company, stories, the world at his fingertips.</p>
<p>And yet, with Geralt he remains. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Jaskier is 21 when he and Geralt finally fall into bed together. He's loud, demanding, and Geralt is helpless to do anything but give him everything he asks for.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Jaskier is 24 when Geralt forgets not to want.</p>
<p>They're together, kissing with the lazy air of those who know they have time, who have had each other enough to understand what the signals mean before they’re said. It's heady, and Geralt knows he shouldn't let himself be used to it</p>
<p>Something about Jaskier makes him want to indulge.</p>
<p>Which is perhaps what prompts the sudden madness that overcomes him as he says, "You could take me. If you want."</p>
<p>Jaskier pulls back from where he's futilely attempting to suck a mark into the witcher's throat. His lips are red, and Geralt swallows.</p>
<p>"You want me to fuck you?"</p>
<p>Geralt's mouth is dry, the way it was back in Kaer Morhen all those years ago. "I don't want anything."</p>
<p>Jaskier tuts and runs a hand over Geralt's chest. "We both know that's not true, my darling."</p>
<p>Geralt hmms, not trusting his voice.</p>
<p>"Ah, ah," Jaskier says, turning Geralt's head. "Eyes on me. You started this."</p>
<p>"And I'm ending it. Forget it." He won't be teased, not about this.</p>
<p>Jaskier purses his lips and sighs before pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I want to make you feel good. But I won't do this unless you tell me it's what you want."</p>
<p>Geralt looks at him, not trusting his voice to come out clear. "Jaskier…" he manages after a moment.</p>
<p>Jaskier tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and Geralt forgets to breathe. "You have to talk to me, beautiful. How else am I supposed to know?"</p>
<p>Jaskier knows him, is the scary part. Knows him in a way Geralt is afraid to know himself. He knows that if anyone on the continent could take what remains of his heart and leave it, bleeding, on the road, it would be Jaskier. </p>
<p>It's odd, then, that he doesn't feel as though he needs to hide. "I want," he pauses, as though the world will swallow him for uttering the word. "I want to know what it's like."</p>
<p>"To be fucked?" Jaskier asks, cutting through the tension in Geralt's body.</p>
<p>"To be…" he struggles and Jaskier kisses him.</p>
<p>"I know what you mean, dear heart."</p>
<p>He nods gratefully and kisses Jaskier's palm where it rests by his cheek. </p>
<p>Jaskier is surprisingly gentle, where he's usually wild and pleading, and Geralt is instead surprised by the noises that fall from his own lips. He bites it back, until Jaskier shakes his head and slows.</p>
<p>"I need to know what you want."</p>
<p>And Geralt is torn, but some wild thing in his heart doesn't want this to stop, can't bear the thought of Jaskier pulling away now, so he lets go, and trusts Jaskier not to mock his heart when he does.</p>
<p>He pets Geralt's hair after and he didn't even have to ask.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Geralt doesn't know how old he is, but here, in this inn bed, with his head on Jaskier's chest, Geralt knows what he wants. He wants this, as long as he's allowed, and he won't let anyone take it from him. Not even himself.</p>
<p>He has what he wanted. He has a home, here, cradled in warm arms and loved by a fierce and gentle heart.</p>
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